What a groomsman is expected to say
Your job has a boundary in it, and respecting that boundary is most of the skill. The best man is delivering the character reference, the emotional turn and the main toast. You are adding one bright, quick thing to the evening.
That means: shorter than his, lighter than his, and structurally different. If your speech has a sincere pivot and a big finish, you are competing with him, and the room will feel the collision even if they cannot name it.
The best groomsman toasts do one thing extremely well: they land a specific, warm laugh in the first thirty seconds, add one honest sentence, and get out. Two minutes of genuinely good is worth far more than four minutes of adequate.
The questions worth answering before you write
These are the questions that produce usable material for this specific role. Answer them out loud rather than on paper — whatever comes fastest is almost always your best story.
- What is the fastest funny story you have about him — one location, one incident, under a minute?
- What is he unreasonably good at, or unreasonably bad at, that everyone here knows?
- What did he do for you or for the group that nobody made a fuss about?
- What was your first honest reaction when you met his partner?
- What is one true sentence about the two of them you could say without any setup?
Recommended structure and timing
Timings assume a normal speaking pace of about 140 words a minute. Adrenaline will make you faster on the day, so treat these as the upper end rather than a target.
Straight into the story0:00 – 0:20
No introduction, no throat-clearing. Open on the incident and name yourself after.
The laugh0:20 – 1:00
One tight story with a single clear punchline. Cut every detail that is not load-bearing.
One honest line1:00 – 1:30
Say something genuinely warm about him and about the couple. One sentence each is plenty.
The toast1:30 – 1:50
Simple and quick. Do not build to a crescendo — leave that for the best man.
An opening line, and a full example speech
Here is an opening built with the technique above, followed by a complete original speech written for this role. Both are ours — use them as a shape, not as a script.
"Dan has, in the eleven years I have known him, given me exactly one piece of advice. It was about tyre pressure. It was wrong."
A complete groomsman toast
Funny, quick · about 1 minute 30 seconds · 215 words
Dan has, in the eleven years I've known him, given me exactly one piece of unsolicited advice. It was about tyre pressure. It was wrong. I want to be clear that he delivered it with total confidence, at length, and that I followed it.
I'm Chris, one of the groomsmen, and I'm going to be quick because Ryan has the real speech and he's been rewriting it since March.
Here's the thing about Dan though. He is wrong about tyre pressure, and he is wrong about most practical matters, and he has never once been wrong about a person. Not once. He met my now business partner at a barbecue for about forty minutes and told me on the drive home, "him — that's the one." He was right. He did the same thing with two of the people in this room and I've stopped questioning it.
So when Dan called me three years ago and said, in a completely different voice, "I've met someone" — I didn't need to meet her. I already knew.
Steph, he was right about you before any of us had a chance to have an opinion. He usually is.
To Dan and Steph.
How much humor, and aimed at whom
One clean joke, ideally with you as the fool. Never reach for the best man's register — no roast sequences, no callbacks, no bit. If your funniest material is genuinely better than the best man's, offer it to him rather than using it.
Mistakes and sensitive topics to avoid
Upstaging the best man
Going longer, going bigger, or landing a better sincere ending. Everyone notices, including the groom. Your restraint here is the actual skill.
Not checking his material
Ask the best man what stories he is using before you finalise yours. Two speakers telling the same story ten minutes apart is a small disaster and entirely preventable.
Bachelor party content
Groomsmen reach for this more often than best men do, usually because the time pressure makes it feel like the fastest laugh. It is the fastest way to lose the room instead.
The "we all had a bet on how long" joke
Jokes about whether he would ever settle down, or how long the marriage will last, read as commentary rather than comedy from a secondary speaker.
Forgetting the partner exists
Short toasts often spend all their words on the groom. One sentence addressed to his partner transforms it from a joke into a toast.
Off limits for this role
- Bachelor party specifics, drinking stories or arrests
- Previous relationships of either partner
- Jokes about the groom being trapped or losing his freedom
- Any story the best man is already using
- Anything requiring more than one sentence of context
Not sure about a specific story? Run it through our free safety checker for a straight verdict and a wedding-safe rewrite.
Delivering it on the day
You are likely speaking into a lively room, possibly without a formal introduction. Getting attention quickly is the main practical challenge.
- Stand up before you start talking and wait two seconds. Standing gets the room quiet faster than the microphone does.
- Open loud and clear on the first sentence — short toasts have no time to warm up.
- Do not tap the glass. Ask the DJ or the best man to hand off to you if the room is noisy.
- When the laugh lands, stop and let it run. Even in ninety seconds, stepping on the laugh costs you the ending.
- Sit down immediately after the toast. Lingering invites you to add something unplanned.